Dissed

I - a young strapping black man - am on vacation in South Carolina. The only other black people I've seen anywhere near the resort have been grocery store employees and the housekeeping staff. I was on the beach one day, and a little blond kid was crawling on the shore, took one look at me, and hissed.

Pwnd Life

ForgotTwin

I left my phone off all day because the battery had died. When I finally get a chance to plug it in, I expect to get flooded with missed calls and texts. No one had tried to reach me at all.

Pwnd Life

DarthVadeHer

Today my friends were laughing at a textfromlastnight. It described a girl with the same clothing as mine. The area code was my boyfriend's.

Pwnd Life

MexicAna

I - a young Latina - am going to visit my out-of-town boyfriend in a few days. His mom brought tortilla chips and salsa home from the grocery store today, and when he tried to open them, his mom said, "Don't touch that, we have to feed your girlfriend soon!" My Latin flare comes from Argentina, and only a little bit.

Pwnd Life

GraduHatin'

There was an open letter sitting on my kitchen counter, so I took a look at it. It was an invitation to a graduation and 18th birthday party. As a fellow graduate, I assumed it was for me and turned the envelope over to see who had invited me. It was addressed to ONLY my sophomore sister.

Pwnd Life

TabOoh

I was playing Taboo with my friend, and I was the one describing a word. I said, "My hair is..." and she immediately shouts, "Nappy!" She got the clue.

Pwnd Life

SoundedOut

My friend asked her brother whom he preferred: me or my sister. He said that I was nicer but more annoying. When asked to describe why he thought I was annoying, he said: "She makes weird noises like 'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'" He's 8.

Pwnd Life

PrinciPwnd

Today I was complaining to a friend that she was my only one, since all others had abandoned us for a cappella or college visits or saving babies from burning buildings. Mid-whine, our principle stops, turns and whispers, "and she's not even your friend!" before walking off.

Pwnd Life.

MakeAwp

A few Saturdays ago, I woke up early, washed my face, and walked downstairs to eat some breakfast. My mother responded to my morning greetings by staring at my face in silence for a minute or two, then saying "Today I'm taking you to buy make-up."
Pwnd Life

FlippedOut

I was at my boyfriend's house, and we were engaging in some activities.  He tried to flip me, and he accidentally flipped me off the bed.  I fell onto his laptop and cracked the screen.  He has had it for three weeks.

Pwnd Life

BimbOwnd

Today I came home from rehearsal for a show in which I play a bimbo/slut. My uncle took one look at my outfit and asked, "Were you wearing this to get into character?" I was wearing the outfit I had worn to school today.
Pwnd Life

ConditionalLove

My sister is whining about being fat, so my mom gives her a 5 minute speech about how her body is beautiful and she's not fat and she should love herself. My mom then turns to me, completely unprovoked, and starts my speech with: "You on the other hand..."
Pwnd Life.

K

My friend texted a boy to tell him that I was no longer tryna with him. I expected him to be at least a little disappointed when he found out. He responded with: "K."
Pwnd Life

MissNomer

An administrator from my school emailed me asking for my real name to put on my diploma. She thought the name that I had given her was a joke. It was my real name.
Pwnd Life

Freakbook

I told my friend to ask someone if they would accept my friend request on Facebook. A minute later, I get a message from my friend saying: "Would you accept his friend request? He is a freak. And a stalker." She sent it to the wrong person.
Pwnd Life

FleXed

I looked in the mirror and flexed. I hurt my arms.
Pwnd Life

ChoIre

In third grade, I was practicing from an upcoming choir concert at school. My grandmother told me to stop; I was hurting her ears.
Pwnd Life

BoyFrontin

I was babysitting a second grade boy and he asked me if I had a boyfriend. Without giving me a chance to answer, he says: "No? Didn't think so. You have to get one in the next two months or all the good ones will be taken." I think he's right.
Pwnd Life

SalaMe

I was talking to my teacher in the hallway, and out of nowhere he cries, "Oh boy, it really smells like salami in this hallway!" I had eaten some on another floor of the building five minutes earlier. We were standing at least 10 feet away from each other.
Pwnd Life

Sick-OfMe

I was at dinner with a few of my friends when someone started talking about another friend who is really sick. I say, "He's so hard to reach--I've been calling him ten times a day!" One of my friends responds, "Oh I was texting him for two hours last night." Another adds, "Yeah he called me this morning."
Pwnd Life

MetroOpensDoors

My friend and I were running to catch a train at Metro Center. We think the doors are about to close, so we grab each other's hands and we jump into the train. We're left standing in the middle of a crowded train, with everyone's eyes on us. The doors don't close for another 5 minutes.
Pwnd Life

Fallin

I was walking past the gym after school one day, and my foot got tangled in the straps of someone's backpack. I fell completely flat of my face, and lay there for a couple of seconds, laughing to myself, happy that no one had seen me. Then I looked up. The entire visiting school's varsity basketball team was standing there, staring me, lying on the ground in a heap of backpacks. I took me at least 5 painful minutes to get untangled.
Pwnd Life

TubbyFresh

My friend pokes my abs and says, "Ooh, a little tubby." I respond, "You know you want a piece of this." Just then, a freshman who was walking by starts cracking up. I'm a senior.
Pwnd Life

Twinnot

This girl walks up to me, thinking I'm my twin, and says, "Hey, I've missed you, how have you been?" Realizing her mistake, I just smile politely and awkwardly and let her keep talking to me. Then, my friend walks up to me and says my name. The first girl's face drops and she hurries away without another word.
Pwnd Life

MistAce

After leaving a friend's house, I was driving home, blasting the Ace of Base medley. I decided to call her to let her hear it. When she picked up, I just started singing, and have her a full minute of the song. All I heard on the other line was, "Who is this?" I say, "I'm serenading you, obviously." I had dialed the wrong number.
Pwnd Life

Fataroni

I'm at Safeway ordering Macaroni and Cheese and I ask for a little bit more. The woman behind the counter says, "You don't need that."
Pwnd Life

ChampiOWND

I was reading my results from a personality test and something about them was favorable, so I shouted, "I'm a champion!" A girl walked by, looked at me, and started laughing hysterically.
Pwnd Life

Univershitty?

The day I got into my first choice college, my aunt called to congratulate me. When she heard where I was going, there was a long pause before she asked whether the acceptance was binding, then a longer pause before she lectured me for 20 more minutes about how my sister, who was deferred, was the lucky one, because she didn't get "stuck" in one place that wasn't so great.
Pwnd Life

High-Face

I went to give my friend a high five. He got really excited, and punched through my hand. He punched me in the face.
Pwnd Life

Damned

While watching a choir sing, I leaned over to my friend and commented on the number of unfortunate people singing, just as the song stopped. Everyone in the crowd heard me say, in a normal voice, "Poor kids, God must hate them - they're ugly and tone deaf." This was at the National Cathedral.
Pwnd Life

Leggy

At a family dinner, my cousin told me that with my attitude, I'd never get a boyfriend. I don't have one. He soon realized this and comforted me by saying, "Well, at least you don't have to worry about your legs getting fat, which is good considering how much you eat."
Pwnd Life

Mom

My mother and I were talking about an upcoming family trip and how bored I was going to be. She suggested that I bring a friend, but then vetoed that idea, saying "I can't think of anyone you could possibly invite."
Pwnd Life

ScreenSAVEME

I was in my friend's computer room and his screen saver came on. I pointed at it and asked, "Who's that fat lady?" He replied, "My aunt."
Pwnd Life

StraightPWND

I was at a friend's birthday party, and she said "My parents are chill because I don't have any straight guy friends." I'm straight.
Pwnd Life

Viet-nah

I was getting my nails done, and the woman who was supposed to be doing them took one look at my hands, called over a horde of other women, and started speaking in rapid-fire Vietnamese, all the while looking at my hands in hers and laughing hysterically.
Pwnd Life

Blooming-don't

We were walking through Bloomingdales when my friend pointed out a shirt and said "Isn't that hideous?" I enthusiastically agreed, adding on that it looked like someone had vomited up coke on it. She didn't respond. She was wearing the exact same shirt- she had been joking.
Pwnd Life

Benjy

I spilled cranberry juice all over myself while trying to act like the retarded character in The Sound and the Fury. While walking back from the sink where I had been washing my hands, I proceeded to trip over my own feet, walk into a freshman, and then get backed up on by a sophomore.
Pwnd Life

Schooled

I waved at my favorite teacher today and said hello. He saw me, turned around, and walked quickly in the opposite direction.
Pwnd Life

Playa-giarism

I stole the idea for this blog from a friend who stole the idea for her blog from FML.
FM... I mean...
Pwnd Life

Vanity

This guy my girlfriend goes to school with put up shirtless pictures of himself on Facebook. She sent them to me to show me how absurd he was. Just as I open the first picture, the door to my room opens, and my mom walks in and asks me if I'm gay.
Pwnd Life

Graceful

My teacher is known for being uncoordinated, awkward, quiet, and shy. One day, I'm going to hand in a test and I walk into a desk. I try to play it off, but all of a sudden Mr. Awkward blurts out: "You're not very graceful, are you?"
Pwnd Life

Abs

Someone pointed to my abs and said, "Now flex." I had been.
Pwnd Life

Whoo

Oh mann. I just got pwnd. My lyfe. Awp.