ChampiOWND

I was reading my results from a personality test and something about them was favorable, so I shouted, "I'm a champion!" A girl walked by, looked at me, and started laughing hysterically.
Pwnd Life

Univershitty?

The day I got into my first choice college, my aunt called to congratulate me. When she heard where I was going, there was a long pause before she asked whether the acceptance was binding, then a longer pause before she lectured me for 20 more minutes about how my sister, who was deferred, was the lucky one, because she didn't get "stuck" in one place that wasn't so great.
Pwnd Life

High-Face

I went to give my friend a high five. He got really excited, and punched through my hand. He punched me in the face.
Pwnd Life

Damned

While watching a choir sing, I leaned over to my friend and commented on the number of unfortunate people singing, just as the song stopped. Everyone in the crowd heard me say, in a normal voice, "Poor kids, God must hate them - they're ugly and tone deaf." This was at the National Cathedral.
Pwnd Life

Leggy

At a family dinner, my cousin told me that with my attitude, I'd never get a boyfriend. I don't have one. He soon realized this and comforted me by saying, "Well, at least you don't have to worry about your legs getting fat, which is good considering how much you eat."
Pwnd Life

Mom

My mother and I were talking about an upcoming family trip and how bored I was going to be. She suggested that I bring a friend, but then vetoed that idea, saying "I can't think of anyone you could possibly invite."
Pwnd Life

ScreenSAVEME

I was in my friend's computer room and his screen saver came on. I pointed at it and asked, "Who's that fat lady?" He replied, "My aunt."
Pwnd Life

StraightPWND

I was at a friend's birthday party, and she said "My parents are chill because I don't have any straight guy friends." I'm straight.
Pwnd Life

Viet-nah

I was getting my nails done, and the woman who was supposed to be doing them took one look at my hands, called over a horde of other women, and started speaking in rapid-fire Vietnamese, all the while looking at my hands in hers and laughing hysterically.
Pwnd Life

Blooming-don't

We were walking through Bloomingdales when my friend pointed out a shirt and said "Isn't that hideous?" I enthusiastically agreed, adding on that it looked like someone had vomited up coke on it. She didn't respond. She was wearing the exact same shirt- she had been joking.
Pwnd Life

Benjy

I spilled cranberry juice all over myself while trying to act like the retarded character in The Sound and the Fury. While walking back from the sink where I had been washing my hands, I proceeded to trip over my own feet, walk into a freshman, and then get backed up on by a sophomore.
Pwnd Life

Schooled

I waved at my favorite teacher today and said hello. He saw me, turned around, and walked quickly in the opposite direction.
Pwnd Life

Playa-giarism

I stole the idea for this blog from a friend who stole the idea for her blog from FML.
FM... I mean...
Pwnd Life

Vanity

This guy my girlfriend goes to school with put up shirtless pictures of himself on Facebook. She sent them to me to show me how absurd he was. Just as I open the first picture, the door to my room opens, and my mom walks in and asks me if I'm gay.
Pwnd Life

Graceful

My teacher is known for being uncoordinated, awkward, quiet, and shy. One day, I'm going to hand in a test and I walk into a desk. I try to play it off, but all of a sudden Mr. Awkward blurts out: "You're not very graceful, are you?"
Pwnd Life

Abs

Someone pointed to my abs and said, "Now flex." I had been.
Pwnd Life

Whoo

Oh mann. I just got pwnd. My lyfe. Awp.