ConditionalLove

My sister is whining about being fat, so my mom gives her a 5 minute speech about how her body is beautiful and she's not fat and she should love herself. My mom then turns to me, completely unprovoked, and starts my speech with: "You on the other hand..."
Pwnd Life.

K

My friend texted a boy to tell him that I was no longer tryna with him. I expected him to be at least a little disappointed when he found out. He responded with: "K."
Pwnd Life

MissNomer

An administrator from my school emailed me asking for my real name to put on my diploma. She thought the name that I had given her was a joke. It was my real name.
Pwnd Life

Freakbook

I told my friend to ask someone if they would accept my friend request on Facebook. A minute later, I get a message from my friend saying: "Would you accept his friend request? He is a freak. And a stalker." She sent it to the wrong person.
Pwnd Life

FleXed

I looked in the mirror and flexed. I hurt my arms.
Pwnd Life

ChoIre

In third grade, I was practicing from an upcoming choir concert at school. My grandmother told me to stop; I was hurting her ears.
Pwnd Life

BoyFrontin

I was babysitting a second grade boy and he asked me if I had a boyfriend. Without giving me a chance to answer, he says: "No? Didn't think so. You have to get one in the next two months or all the good ones will be taken." I think he's right.
Pwnd Life

SalaMe

I was talking to my teacher in the hallway, and out of nowhere he cries, "Oh boy, it really smells like salami in this hallway!" I had eaten some on another floor of the building five minutes earlier. We were standing at least 10 feet away from each other.
Pwnd Life

Sick-OfMe

I was at dinner with a few of my friends when someone started talking about another friend who is really sick. I say, "He's so hard to reach--I've been calling him ten times a day!" One of my friends responds, "Oh I was texting him for two hours last night." Another adds, "Yeah he called me this morning."
Pwnd Life

MetroOpensDoors

My friend and I were running to catch a train at Metro Center. We think the doors are about to close, so we grab each other's hands and we jump into the train. We're left standing in the middle of a crowded train, with everyone's eyes on us. The doors don't close for another 5 minutes.
Pwnd Life

Fallin

I was walking past the gym after school one day, and my foot got tangled in the straps of someone's backpack. I fell completely flat of my face, and lay there for a couple of seconds, laughing to myself, happy that no one had seen me. Then I looked up. The entire visiting school's varsity basketball team was standing there, staring me, lying on the ground in a heap of backpacks. I took me at least 5 painful minutes to get untangled.
Pwnd Life

TubbyFresh

My friend pokes my abs and says, "Ooh, a little tubby." I respond, "You know you want a piece of this." Just then, a freshman who was walking by starts cracking up. I'm a senior.
Pwnd Life

Twinnot

This girl walks up to me, thinking I'm my twin, and says, "Hey, I've missed you, how have you been?" Realizing her mistake, I just smile politely and awkwardly and let her keep talking to me. Then, my friend walks up to me and says my name. The first girl's face drops and she hurries away without another word.
Pwnd Life

MistAce

After leaving a friend's house, I was driving home, blasting the Ace of Base medley. I decided to call her to let her hear it. When she picked up, I just started singing, and have her a full minute of the song. All I heard on the other line was, "Who is this?" I say, "I'm serenading you, obviously." I had dialed the wrong number.
Pwnd Life

Fataroni

I'm at Safeway ordering Macaroni and Cheese and I ask for a little bit more. The woman behind the counter says, "You don't need that."
Pwnd Life