ChampiOWND

I was reading my results from a personality test and something about them was favorable, so I shouted, "I'm a champion!" A girl walked by, looked at me, and started laughing hysterically.
Pwnd Life

Univershitty?

The day I got into my first choice college, my aunt called to congratulate me. When she heard where I was going, there was a long pause before she asked whether the acceptance was binding, then a longer pause before she lectured me for 20 more minutes about how my sister, who was deferred, was the lucky one, because she didn't get "stuck" in one place that wasn't so great.
Pwnd Life

High-Face

I went to give my friend a high five. He got really excited, and punched through my hand. He punched me in the face.
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Damned

While watching a choir sing, I leaned over to my friend and commented on the number of unfortunate people singing, just as the song stopped. Everyone in the crowd heard me say, in a normal voice, "Poor kids, God must hate them - they're ugly and tone deaf." This was at the National Cathedral.
Pwnd Life

Leggy

At a family dinner, my cousin told me that with my attitude, I'd never get a boyfriend. I don't have one. He soon realized this and comforted me by saying, "Well, at least you don't have to worry about your legs getting fat, which is good considering how much you eat."
Pwnd Life

Mom

My mother and I were talking about an upcoming family trip and how bored I was going to be. She suggested that I bring a friend, but then vetoed that idea, saying "I can't think of anyone you could possibly invite."
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ScreenSAVEME

I was in my friend's computer room and his screen saver came on. I pointed at it and asked, "Who's that fat lady?" He replied, "My aunt."
Pwnd Life